I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
