WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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