you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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