wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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