youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
