the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
