how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
