so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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