Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
