I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
