Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
