My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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