My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
