Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
