There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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