Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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