That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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