yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
