i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
