nutella sex= disaster
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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