I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
