i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
