So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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