it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
