Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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