she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
