It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
