I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
