As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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