fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize