On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
