tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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