4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
