Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
