3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
