so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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