So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize