I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize