i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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