i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
