he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
