how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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