found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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