My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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