yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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