Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
