last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
