Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
