dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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