Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
