i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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