I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
