I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
