That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize