wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
