I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
