Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
