how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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