: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
