Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
