Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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