ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
