You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize