ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
