From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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