"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
