my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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