3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
