clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
