I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
