she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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