I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
