I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
