i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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